By Katie Palitto | Finding Adam Finding Eve Ministry

Hey, I see you.

You’re a faithful Catholic trying to use modern tools to find a holy spouse. You’re not opposed to dating apps—you just wish they didn’t leave you feeling so empty.

Good news: There’s a better way. And it’s rooted in exactly what the Church has always taught about love, dignity, and authentic relationship.

The Problem With the Swipe Cycle

The swipe cycle trains us in habits that are the opposite of Christian love:

  • Judgment over encounter — We decide in seconds if someone is “worth it”
  • Consumption over communion — We treat people like products to evaluate
  • Scarcity over abundance — We fear missing the perfect person, so we keep searching
  • Performance over authenticity — We curate highlight reels instead of showing real selves

None of this leads to the kind of love Scripture calls us to—patient, kind, not self-seeking (1 Corinthians 13:4-5).

What the Church Offers Instead

Catholic teaching gives us a completely different framework:

Every person has dignity. Not because of their profile photo or clever bio, but because they’re made in God’s image (CCC 1700). When we remember this, we stop consuming people and start encountering them.

Self-knowledge comes first. You can’t give yourself to someone if you don’t know who you are. The Church calls this “self-possession before self-gift” (CCC 2346). Have you done that inner work?

Love is a decision, not just a feeling. The “spark” matters, but it’s not the foundation. Holy marriages are built on virtue, shared vision, and mutual self-gift—not just chemistry.

Patience is a virtue. The apps train us in impatience—more options, faster decisions. But discernment takes time. God’s timing isn’t inefficiency; it’s wisdom.

A More Excellent Way

Here’s how to approach dating apps as a Catholic without losing your soul:

Use them as introductions, not relationships. The app is for meeting people. Move to real conversations quickly.

Set boundaries. Time limits, tech sabbaths, regular breaks. Don’t let the algorithm dictate your peace.

Discern, don’t just date. Ask real questions about virtue, values, and vision. You’re not looking for entertainment—you’re discerning a vocation.

Stay rooted. Keep your prayer life, community, and purpose strong. A full life is less susceptible to app-induced desperation.

Know yourself. Understand your attachment style, your patterns, your temperament. Bring your whole self, not just your best photos.

Practical Katie’s Insights

The swipe cycle is exhausting because it’s not designed for human flourishing. But you don’t have to play by its rules.

Your homework: Before your next app session, spend five minutes in prayer. Ask God to help you see each profile as a person made in His image. See if it changes how you swipe.

You can use modern tools without letting them use you.

You’ve got this. And God’s got you.

Katie Palitto is co-founder of Finding Adam Finding Eve ministry. Learn more at gameof.love.

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