There is no “best” temperament for a Catholic spouse. A choleric who has cultivated patience is a beautiful partner. So is a phlegmatic who has learned to speak up, a sanguine who has developed depth, or a melancholic who has softened their standards with mercy. What makes someone a good spouse is not their type – it is their virtue.
The Deeper Story
This is one of the most common questions we get at FAFE, and it makes sense. When you’re dating with intention and you want to get marriage right, it’s natural to want a checklist. But the Catholic tradition points you somewhere deeper than personality categories.
The Catechism teaches that married couples receive a special grace “intended to perfect the couple’s love and to strengthen their indissoluble unity,” and that by this grace they help one another to attain holiness. Notice what’s being perfected: love, not personality. The sacrament works with who you are – choleric fire, phlegmatic stillness, and everything in between.
The most important factors in evaluating a potential spouse are self-awareness, virtue, complementarity, and shared values. Does this person understand their temperament and its impact? Are they working on their weaknesses? Do their strengths balance yours? Do you agree on the non-negotiables of faith, family, and how to live?
A person of any temperament who is honest about their struggles, open to growth, and rooted in the sacraments can build a marriage that lasts. A person of any temperament who refuses to look at themselves will bring that refusal into the marriage, no matter how charming or capable they seem at the start.
What This Means for Your Dating Life
Stop looking for a type. Start looking for a person of virtue. Watch how they handle stress, failure, and disagreement. Ask yourself: Are they growing? Do they take responsibility? Can they apologize without making it about themselves? These questions matter infinitely more than whether someone is a choleric or a sanguine. Character is revealed over time, not on a quiz result.
Where to Go from Here
Bring your “ideal spouse” list to prayer and ask God to show you what belongs there and what doesn’t. Then trade the personality checklist for a virtue checklist. That shift changes everything.