Dating and courtship are not opposites – they’re different stages of the same discernment journey. Dating is the earlier phase where you’re getting to know someone and evaluating basic compatibility. Courtship is the more intentional stage where both people have acknowledged a serious mutual interest and are actively discerning marriage together.
The Deeper Story
There’s a lot of confusion in Catholic circles about these terms. Some people treat “courtship” like a magic formula that guarantees a holy marriage, and “dating” like a dirty word borrowed from secular culture. The truth is simpler than that.
What matters isn’t the label. What matters is the intention and the integrity behind it.
Dating, done well, is already a form of discernment. You’re meeting someone, spending time together, and asking: Is there something here worth pursuing? Courtship deepens that question. It says: We believe there might be a vocation here, and we’re going to take that seriously.
St. John Paul II taught that love involves “a totally committed and fully responsible attitude of a person to a person.” In dating, you’re growing toward that responsibility. In courtship, you’re testing whether you can live it out for a lifetime.
At FAFE, we say: go slow, observe virtues and vices, involve community, pray together, be transparent, seek counsel, and be willing to walk away. That wisdom applies whether you call what you’re doing “dating” or “courtship.” The principle is the same – honor the person in front of you and keep your discernment honest.
What This Means for Your Dating Life
Don’t get paralyzed by terminology. If someone asks you on a date, you don’t need a courtship contract notarized by your parish priest before you say yes. Go. Get to know them. Pay attention.
But as things get more serious, let the relationship mature. Involve trusted friends and mentors. Pray together, not just about each other. Have the honest conversations about faith, family, finances, and future. That natural deepening – from casual getting-to-know-you into serious mutual discernment – is the shift from dating into courtship. And it’s a beautiful thing.
Where to Go from Here
Wherever you are in the process, name it honestly. If you’re exploring, explore with integrity. If you’re getting serious, get serious on purpose. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide your next conversation with the person you’re discerning – and then actually have it.