The choleric temperament is the one who takes charge. If you’re choleric, you’re naturally driven, decisive, and action-oriented – the person who knows what they want and goes after it. In dating, your initiative is a real strength, but it can also mean you move so fast that the other person feels steamrolled rather than pursued.
The Deeper Story
Cholerics are wired for leadership. You see a problem, you fix it. You see a goal, you chase it. In a culture where many singles struggle with passivity and indecision, the choleric’s willingness to act is genuinely refreshing. You’re the one who actually plans the date, follows up with a text, and doesn’t leave things ambiguous for weeks on end.
But that same intensity can become a liability when it isn’t tempered by patience. As we teach at FAFE, the four classical temperaments each approach dating differently, struggle with different challenges, and need different strategies for success. For cholerics, the challenge is often control. You have a vision for how things should go – the relationship, the timeline, the conversation – and when reality doesn’t match that vision, frustration sets in fast.
Your temperament is not an excuse for bad behavior, but it is a lens through which you can understand your natural strengths, weaknesses, needs, and tendencies. The choleric’s path to mature love runs through the virtue of humility – learning that leading well sometimes means listening first, slowing down, and letting the other person set the pace.
What This Means for Your Dating Life
If you’re choleric, your initiative is a gift – don’t apologize for it. But practice asking instead of assuming. Check in with the person you’re dating: “How are you feeling about the pace of this?” Leave room for their voice, especially if they’re phlegmatic or melancholic and need more time to process. The strongest leaders are the ones who make others feel seen, not managed.
And if you’re dating a choleric? Don’t mistake their directness for a lack of care. They’re often showing love the best way they know how – by doing. Help them see that sometimes the most loving thing is simply being still.
Where to Go from Here
Take the temperament assessment at gameof.love and notice where your choleric drive serves your relationships – and where it pushes too hard. Ask the Holy Spirit for the grace of patience. Your strength is a gift – let humility make it beautiful.