Knowing your temperament helps you date better because it gives you honest language for patterns you’ve felt but couldn’t name. When you understand why you keep having the same kinds of dating struggles, you can finally stop blaming yourself – or the other person – and start making changes that actually stick. Self-awareness isn’t a luxury. In Catholic dating, it’s the starting point.
The Deeper Story
Most dating advice treats everyone the same. “Just be confident.” “Just communicate.” “Just take it slow.” But what does “take it slow” look like for a choleric who’s wired to move fast versus a phlegmatic who’s wired to barely move at all? Generic advice fails because it ignores the reality that God made each of us with a distinct nature.
As we teach at FAFE, the most important factors in a healthy relationship are self-awareness, virtue, complementarity, and shared values. Temperament is where self-awareness begins. The FAFE self-reflection questions cut to the heart of it: Which temperament most describes you? What are your dating struggles as a result? What strategies do you need? What temperament or temperaments might complement you well in a spouse?
These aren’t abstract questions. A sanguine who knows she tends to keep things shallow can intentionally practice vulnerability. A melancholic who knows he tends to overthink can set a boundary on his processing time. A choleric who knows she tends to take control can practice asking instead of directing. A phlegmatic who knows he tends to avoid conflict can commit to speaking up within twenty-four hours. Temperament knowledge becomes temperament strategy – and strategy becomes growth.
What This Means for Your Dating Life
Start with yourself. Take the assessment, read your results, and resist the urge to skip straight to analyzing the other person. The most attractive thing you can bring to a relationship is honest self-knowledge paired with a genuine willingness to grow. When you know your own patterns, you stop expecting the other person to fix what only you and the Holy Spirit can address. And you start extending real compassion to the people you date – because you understand that their wiring is just as real as yours.
Where to Go from Here
Take the temperament assessment at gameof.love and sit with the FAFE reflection questions. Ask God to show you one concrete area of growth. Self-knowledge isn’t the finish line – it’s where the real journey begins.