Chastity in dating means ordering your desires so that you love the whole person – body, mind, and soul – rather than using them for pleasure or comfort. It includes physical boundaries, yes, but it goes much deeper than that. Chastity is about protecting the clarity of your discernment and the dignity of the person in front of you.
The Deeper Story
I know this is the question that makes people squirm a little. And I get it. We live in a culture that treats physical intimacy as casual, and chastity as repression. But the Church sees it completely differently.
The Catechism teaches that “people should cultivate chastity in the way that is suited to their state of life” (CCC 2349). For those who are engaged, the Church calls them “to live chastity in continence,” seeing this time as “a discovery of mutual respect, an apprenticeship in fidelity, and the hope of receiving one another from God” (CCC 2350). If that’s the standard for engaged couples, how much more does it apply to those still in the discernment phase of dating?
Here’s what we’ve seen at FAFE: chastity reveals character. Can he exercise self-control for your good? Can she honor a boundary even when emotions run high? Chastity builds trust. Chastity clarifies discernment. Chastity prepares for marriage.
When physical intimacy enters too early, it clouds everything. You stop asking “Is this person virtuous?” and start asking “How do I feel when I’m with them?” Those are very different questions – and only one of them leads to a good marriage.
What This Means for Your Dating Life
Have the conversation about boundaries early – before you need to. Not in the heat of the moment, but over coffee, with the lights on and your thinking clear. Talk about what you’re comfortable with and why.
Set practical guardrails: avoid situations that make temptation easy. Be honest when you fall short, and go to Confession when you need to. Chastity is a virtue, which means it’s built through practice, not perfection.
And pay attention to how your date responds to boundaries. Someone who respects your limits is showing you something real about their character. Someone who pushes back is showing you something too.
Where to Go from Here
If you haven’t had the boundaries conversation with the person you’re dating, have it this week. If you’re single and preparing, bring your desire for chastity to prayer and ask God to strengthen your resolve. He always honors that request.