Before Catholic marriage, couples need to discuss children, finances, faith practice, family expectations, and how they’ll handle conflict – honestly and without pretending. These conversations aren’t just practical logistics. They reveal whether you share the same vision for your life together, and whether you can navigate disagreement with grace and respect.
The Deeper Story
Here’s what I’ve noticed: couples are often great at talking about what they love about each other, but much less practiced at talking about what will actually shape their daily life together. And those unglamorous conversations are the ones that matter most.
The Church takes this seriously. As we teach at FAFE, to date successfully as a Catholic seeking marriage, you must understand four things: “1. Who you are 2. What love really is 3. What marriage really is 4. What to look for in yourself and in a potential spouse.” Those four pillars generate the questions that matter.
On children: Are you both open to life? How many children do you hope for? How do you feel about Natural Family Planning? On faith: How will you practice your faith as a family? Will you pray together? Which parish will you attend? On finances: How do you handle money? What are your debts? Will you tithe? On family: What role will your families of origin play? How will you handle holidays, in-law dynamics, and differing family cultures?
And perhaps most importantly – on conflict: How do you fight? Can you repair after a disagreement? Do you stonewall, escalate, or withdraw? The Catechism teaches that the grace of the sacrament of Matrimony “is intended to perfect the couple’s love and to strengthen their indissoluble unity.” But grace works with nature – and learning to communicate well is part of your natural preparation.
What This Means for Your Dating Life
Don’t wait until you’re engaged to have these conversations. Bring them up during the courtship phase – not as an interrogation, but as a natural part of getting to know each other deeply. If a topic feels too uncomfortable to raise, that’s usually a sign it’s exactly the one you need to discuss.
Start with the easier ones – faith practice, family traditions – and work toward the harder ones. Notice how your partner responds. Someone who can engage with difficult topics honestly and without defensiveness is showing you real maturity.
Where to Go from Here
Pick one topic from this list that you haven’t discussed yet, and bring it up this week. Not as a test, but as an act of trust. The conversations you have before marriage become the foundation you stand on during it.