Theology of the Body says physical attraction is good — full stop. It’s not something to be ashamed of, suppressed, or white-knuckled away. Attraction is part of God’s design, a signpost pointing toward the communion of persons we were made for. The issue was never desire itself. The issue is what we do with it.
The Deeper Story
One of the biggest myths about Catholic teaching is that the Church is anti-body. John Paul II dismantled that myth for five straight years. He taught that “the body is called ‘from the beginning’ to become the manifestation of the spirit” (TOB). Your body — including its attractions, its desires, its responsiveness to beauty — is meant to reveal something true about the human spirit. Attraction isn’t the enemy. It’s a messenger.
But here’s where it gets honest. “The spousal meaning of the body has been distorted, almost at its roots, by concupiscence” (TOB). After the Fall, our desires got tangled. Attraction can slide into objectification faster than we’d like to admit. That beautiful person across the coffee shop? You can see them as a person made in God’s image, or you can reduce them to a body to be consumed. Same attraction, two completely different responses.
John Paul II didn’t ask us to stop noticing beauty. He asked us to go deeper. “In its masculinity or femininity the body is given as a task to the human spirit… through his spiritual maturity, man discovers the nuptial meaning proper to the body” (TOB). Spiritual maturity is the key. As you grow, your attraction becomes less about what can this person do for me? and more about who is this person, and how is God revealing Himself through them?
The good news? This transformation isn’t just possible — it’s already happening in you every time you choose to see a person instead of a body. “The virtue of continence in its mature form gradually reveals the pure aspect of the spousal meaning of the body” (TOB). Chastity trains your vision. It doesn’t kill attraction. It purifies it.
What This Means for Your Dating Life
You’re allowed to be attracted to the person you’re dating. Please hear that. But practice this: when you notice attraction, let it be a prompt to pray. Not a panicked help me, Lord prayer — a grateful one. Thank you that this person is beautiful. Help me see them the way you see them.
If attraction is the only thing driving a relationship, that’s a red flag. But if it’s one thread in a larger tapestry of respect, friendship, and shared faith? That’s exactly how it’s supposed to work.
Where to Go from Here
Ask yourself honestly: Is my attraction drawing me toward this person as a whole person, or just toward what they look like? Let that question sit with you. Then bring it to prayer. God is not afraid of your desire — and neither should you be.