Let me ask you something.
If you had five minutes to figure out whether someone could be your spouse, would you feel confident making that call?
Me neither.
You’ve probably seen the headlines by now. At SEEK 2026, over 2,500 Catholic young adults participated in what became the world’s largest speed dating event. The energy was electric. The intention was beautiful. Catholics showing up, putting themselves out there, rejecting the swipe culture that’s left so many of us exhausted.
I’m genuinely encouraged by what this reveals about Catholic singles today—a deep hunger for authentic, in-person connection. As Emily Wilson said at the event, there’s “a real breakdown in communication, and a lot of fear has crept in.” She’s right. And events like SEEK are a response to that fear.
But here’s what keeps nagging at me after 15 years of coaching Catholic singles: Speed dating isn’t the fix.
Don’t hear what I’m not saying. I’m not against it. I’m glad people are trying. I’m thrilled that young Catholics are pushing back against hookup culture and actually wanting something real.
But we need to talk about what happens after the five-minute conversation ends. Because that’s where things get complicated.
The Question No One’s Asking
Here’s the scenario playing out right now for hundreds of Catholics who met at SEEK: You had a great five-minute conversation with someone from Denver. Or Fort Worth. Or Columbus. You exchanged numbers. Maybe you’ve been texting.
Now what?
You live in different cities. Maybe different time zones. And suddenly you’re facing a question that five minutes of speed dating can’t answer: How do you actually get to know someone’s character when you can’t share regular life with them?
This is where I’ve watched so many well-intentioned Catholics stumble. They meet someone exciting at a conference, a retreat, a young adult event. The chemistry is there. The faith is there. So they dive into a long-distance relationship—texting constantly, FaceTiming for hours, maybe flying to see each other once a month.
And then, six months or a year later, they’re engaged to someone they’ve never seen handle conflict in real time. Never watched navigate a hard day at work. Never observed interacting with their family during an ordinary Tuesday.
I recently worked with a couple who met at a Catholic conference and got engaged after eight months of long-distance dating. They were sure they knew each other. But three sessions into pre-marriage coaching, they realized they’d never actually had a disagreement—because they’d only been together in highlight-reel moments: visits, trips, special occasions. They didn’t know how the other person handled disappointment, stress, or the boring parts of life.
They called off the engagement. It was the right call. But it was painful. And it could have been avoided.
What the Church Actually Teaches
The Catechism has something important to say here. CCC 1632 tells us that “so that the ‘I do’ of the spouses may be a free and responsible act and so that the marriage covenant may have solid and lasting human and Christian foundations, preparation for marriage is of prime importance.”
Read that again: solid and lasting foundations.
You can’t build a solid foundation on FaceTime alone. You can’t assess someone’s character through curated texts and weekend visits. The Church is calling us to something deeper—the kind of preparation that requires time, proximity, and the ordinary rhythms of shared life.
This is where prudence comes in. CCC 1806 describes prudence as “the virtue that disposes practical reason to discern our true good in every circumstance and to choose the right means of achieving it.”
Prudence isn’t just about avoiding obvious sin. It’s about asking: Is this the wise path? Am I setting myself up for success—or for heartbreak?
And the prudent path to marriage isn’t a series of five-minute speed dates followed by months of long-distance texting. The prudent path is friendship that unfolds over time, in real life, in your real community.
What’s Actually Working
Here’s what I’ve learned from years of ministry: the couples who build the strongest marriages are the ones who knew each other as friends first. Not pen pals. Not long-distance texters. Friends.
They saw each other at Sunday Mass. Grabbed coffee after a young adult group. Served together on a mission trip. Watched each other interact with other people—kids, elderly parishioners, difficult coworkers. They had time to see character, not just chemistry.
This is exactly what St. John Paul II was getting at in his Theology of the Body when he talked about the “interior order” of relationships—the idea that authentic love develops “according to their right proportion and meaning.” There’s a proportion to healthy courtship. It’s not supposed to be rushed.
And here’s the thing—you can’t manufacture that proportion at a conference. You build it in community. Over time. Through ordinary life.
The Real Solution: Local, Low-Pressure, Repeated Contact
So what’s the alternative to hoping you’ll meet your spouse in a five-minute speed date with someone who lives three states away?
You need a way to meet Catholic singles in your area—and see them regularly.
Not once at a conference. Not through an app where you swipe and hope. But in a setting where you can actually become friends. Where you can watch someone over time. Where you can let attraction grow naturally instead of forcing it under pressure.
This is exactly why Mike and I built the Sunday Group Date feature in the Game of Love app.
Here’s how it works: Every week, Catholics in your area can join a casual group date—think coffee after Mass, a hike, a game night. No pressure. No “is this my future spouse?” intensity. Just faithful people spending time together, building friendships, and letting God work in the ordinary.
Because the goal isn’t to evaluate your future in five minutes. The goal is to be in consistent community with people who share your faith—and let relationships develop naturally from there.
What SEEK 2026 Got Right (And What Comes Next)
I want to be clear: I love what SEEK 2026 revealed about the hearts of Catholic singles. Taylor O’Brien from Candid Dating said it perfectly when she pointed out that “swiping culture has done such a disservice… we start to objectify.” She’s absolutely right.
The desire for in-person, faith-filled connection? That’s beautiful. That’s healthy. That’s exactly what we should be pursuing.
But a five-minute speed date at a conference is the starting point, not the solution. The real work happens after. And that work requires proximity, time, and the kind of consistent community that lets you see someone’s character—not just their conference personality.
If you walked away from SEEK with someone’s number, I’m not telling you to delete it. I’m asking you to be honest about what you actually know after five minutes. And I’m inviting you to build the kind of local community that makes real discernment possible.
Your Next Step
Here’s my challenge for you this week:
Stop waiting for the next big conference to meet someone. Instead, ask yourself: What’s one way I can be more present in my local Catholic community?
Maybe it’s joining a young adult group. Maybe it’s volunteering at your parish. Maybe it’s hosting a dinner for other singles after Sunday Mass.
Or maybe it’s checking out the Sunday Group Date feature in Game of Love and seeing who’s in your area.
Because the goal isn’t to find your spouse in five minutes. The goal is to build the kind of life—rooted in community, friendship, and faith—where love can actually grow.
You don’t need a world-record speed dating event. You need ordinary time with extraordinary intention.
And that’s something you can start building today.
In Him,
Katie
Katie Palitto is a relationship & dating coach @Finding Adam Finding Eve ministry and co-creator of the Game of Love app.