You’re not crazy. And you’re not alone. This one’s for the men. I know you’re out there, reading this, maybe feeling a little surprised that a Catholic woman is writing about your experience. But I’ve sat across from enough of you in coaching sessions to know something the culture doesn’t often acknowledge: A lot of good men have simply stopped trying. And I understand why. What You’re Up AgainstLet me list what you’ve told me: ...
You don’t have to chase him. But you can make it easier for him to find his courage. “I don’t want to pursue a man. But I also feel like I’m just sitting here waiting for something that never happens.” I hear this constantly from Catholic women. They want to be pursued—and there’s something beautiful about that desire—but they’re also tired of passively waiting for men who never make a move. ...
That man you’re avoiding might just need a little grace. I hear this a lot from women: “There’s this guy at my parish who gives me weird vibes.” Sometimes—genuinely—something is off, and you should trust your instincts. But sometimes? The “weird vibe” is just a socially awkward man who has no idea how to talk to women he finds attractive. And I think we need to learn to tell the difference. ...
Before you wonder why he won’t approach, understand what he’s risking. Ladies, I need to tell you something you probably don’t fully understand: The fear of rejection that men carry around dating is different from yours. Not worse—but different in a way that matters. When a man approaches a woman and gets rejected, he’s not just being told “no.” He’s being told something about his value as a person. At least, that’s how it feels. ...
What’s Really Happening with Catholic MenBefore you blame him, there’s something you need to understand. I hear it constantly from women: “Where are all the Catholic men? Why won’t they make a move? I’ve been going to young adult events for years and nobody has ever asked me out.” And then I hear it from men: “I’m invisible. Women don’t seem interested. I don’t even know if I’m supposed to initiate anymore. Every time I try, I feel like I’m doing something wrong.” ...
When was the last time you witnessed a man confidently, respectfully pursuing a woman he was interested in? And when was the last time you saw a woman gracefully receiving that pursuit—neither chasing nor running, but allowing herself to be pursued? If you’re scratching your head, you’re not alone. Both Mike and I failed at marriage in our twenties, and l… Read more
“Dating is making people depressed. Not sad—depressed.” ...
What Is the Code of Canon Law?The Code of Canon Law (1983) is the Church’s legal framework for her life and governance — 1,752 canons across seven books. Pope John Paul II promulgated it as the renewal of Church discipline after Vatican II. Canons 1055–1165 govern marriage specifically, covering everything from consent and impediments to the canonical form required for a valid wedding. Why It Matters for Dating and MarriageI learned the hard way that most Catholics treat canon law as bureaucratic fine print — something you deal with when a priest hands you a pre-Cana packet. That’s backwards. Canon law on marriage isn’t red tape; it’s the Church protecting what marriage actually is. Canon 1055 defines marriage as a covenant, not a contract — a total, permanent, faithful, and fruitful union ordered to the good of spouses and the generation of children. Understanding that before you’re engaged changes how you date. ...
What Is the Summa Theologica?The Summa Theologica is St. Thomas Aquinas’s systematic treatment of Christian theology, written between 1265 and 1274. Structured as a series of questions, objections, and responses, it covers everything from the nature of God to the virtues, natural law, marriage, and human happiness. The English Dominican Province translation (1947) is the standard reference, and our RAG system holds over 1,100 chunks of it. Why It Matters for Dating and MarriageHere’s the thing — most men I’ve worked with treat love like a weather event. It shows up, it disappears, and they’re just along for the ride. Aquinas doesn’t buy it. He argues that love, at its deepest level, is an act of the will — a choice to will the good of another person. That idea changes how a man approaches dating. He’s not searching for a feeling. He’s building a capacity. ...
If you’re reading this, I’m guessing you’ve either asked the question “So what are we?” or you’ve been desperately avoiding it. Maybe you’ve been dating someone for months—or even years—and you’re still introducing them as your “friend.” Maybe you’re the one who gets uncomfortable when conversations turn toward the future. Or maybe you’re on the receivi… Read more