Complementarity

Temperament compatibility isn’t about finding someone whose results perfectly match a chart. It’s about understanding how different temperaments interact – where they naturally strengthen each other, where they might clash, and what virtues they’ll need to grow together. In Catholic relationships, compatibility is real, but it’s always secondary to virtue and shared values. The Deeper Story As we teach at FAFE, there are complementary pairings that tend to balance each other naturally. Choleric and phlegmatic is a classic example: the choleric brings drive and initiative while the phlegmatic brings calm and peace. Sanguine and melancholic is another: the sanguine brings joy and optimism while the melancholic brings depth and thoughtfulness. These pairings work well because each person’s strength fills a gap the other naturally has. ...

Complementarity in Catholic marriage means that men and women bring genuinely different gifts – rooted in their masculinity and femininity – that together create something richer and more fruitful than either could achieve alone. It’s not about rigid roles or one person being “in charge.” It’s about the beautiful reality that God designed man and woman to complete each other in a communion of persons that reflects His own inner life. ...

Complementarity is the Catholic understanding that men and women are fully equal in dignity but beautifully different by design. Those differences aren’t flaws to fix or stereotypes to enforce — they’re gifts that make real communion possible. When the Church says complementarity, she means that masculine and feminine aren’t interchangeable parts. They’re two ways of being human that, together, reveal something about God that neither can show alone. The Deeper Story The teaching is grounded in Genesis: God created humanity “male and female” in His image. Not male or female reflecting God — but male and female, together. As John Paul II taught, “The human body in its masculinity and femininity is interiorly ordered to the communion of the persons (communio personarum). Its spousal meaning consists in this” (TOB). The differences between men and women aren’t obstacles to unity. They’re the very thing that makes unity meaningful. ...

The pairings that tend to work well are complementary ones: choleric with phlegmatic, sanguine with melancholic. These combinations balance each other’s strengths and weaknesses naturally. But compatibility is never a formula. Two people of any temperament combination can build a holy marriage if they bring self-awareness, virtue, and shared faith to the table. The Deeper Story Complementary pairings work because they create balance. The choleric brings drive and initiative; the phlegmatic brings calm and peace. The sanguine brings joy and optimism; the melancholic brings depth and thoughtfulness. In each case, one person’s natural strength fills in where the other might struggle, and both are stretched to grow in ways they wouldn’t on their own. ...