Courtship

There is no official Catholic rule about how long to date before getting engaged. But wisdom – both pastoral and practical – suggests you need at least a year of intentional courtship to truly know someone’s character. Most priests and marriage preparation programs recommend 1-2 years of serious dating before engagement, with an additional 6-12 months of engagement before the wedding. The Deeper Story I know the waiting can feel endless. Especially when you’re in your late twenties or thirties and everyone around you seems to be getting married. The temptation is to rush – to lock it down before they change their mind or before another year passes. ...

Catholic courtship is the intentional, purposeful process of getting to know another person to determine whether God is calling you to marry them. Unlike casual dating, courtship has a direction from the start — it’s not about “hanging out and seeing what happens.” It moves through recognizable stages, involves your community, and keeps the ultimate question (marriage) on the table honestly. Courtship is how Catholics have always dated when they’re serious about love. ...

Dating and courtship are not opposites – they’re different stages of the same discernment journey. Dating is the earlier phase where you’re getting to know someone and evaluating basic compatibility. Courtship is the more intentional stage where both people have acknowledged a serious mutual interest and are actively discerning marriage together. The Deeper Story There’s a lot of confusion in Catholic circles about these terms. Some people treat “courtship” like a magic formula that guarantees a holy marriage, and “dating” like a dirty word borrowed from secular culture. The truth is simpler than that. ...

Can I ask you something honest? When was the last time someone you went on a date with told you their intentions upfront? If you had to think about it, you’re not alone. We live in a culture where “dating” usually means an ambiguous series of hangouts with no clear direction, no expressed commitment, and no end goal beyond “let’s see where this goes.” And most of us have accepted that as normal. ...