I put my phone away for seven days. Here’s what happened. I need to confess something: I’m as addicted to my phone as anyone. I check it first thing in the morning. I scroll when I’m bored. I feel a little panicky when I can’t find it. I’m a relationship coach who talks about presence and connection, and I’m as guilty as my clients of letting a screen steal my attention. ...
Everyone said “just put yourself out there.” Nobody said how. Let me validate something for you: making friends after college is brutally hard. In school, friendship happened automatically. You were surrounded by people your age, doing the same things, on the same schedule. You couldn’t avoid making friends if you tried. Then you graduated. And suddenly friendship required effort. Intention. Showing up over and over again to the same places, hoping someone would eventually want to get coffee. ...
That “quick check” of your phone is stealing something you can’t get back. Let me ask you something uncomfortable: How much time did you spend on your phone yesterday? Not working. Not calling your mom. Just… scrolling. Checking. Refreshing. Watching stories. Swiping through profiles. If you’re like most young adults, the answer is somewhere between two and four hours. Every. Single. Day. That’s 14-28 hours a week. 60-120 hours a month. Up to 1,400 hours a year. ...
You have 23 matches. So why are you still single? I need to say something that the dating apps don’t want you to hear: A match is not a connection. A conversation is not a relationship. And swiping is not dating. You already know this. But somehow, every evening, you find yourself back on the apps—swiping, matching, messaging—telling yourself that this time might be different. Let me tell you what I see in my coaching practice: people who have been on dating apps for years. Hundreds of matches. Thousands of swipes. And they’re lonelier than ever. ...
You have 47 unread messages. So why do you feel so alone? Quick question: When was the last time you had an actual phone call with a friend? Not your mom. Not a work call. A real conversation with someone you care about, voice to voice, for more than five minutes. If you’re struggling to remember, you’re not alone. We’ve replaced talking with texting. And somewhere in that trade, we lost something we didn’t know we needed. ...
You’re more connected than ever. So why does it feel like you’ve never been more alone? I need to tell you something that might sting a little. That group chat you check seventeen times a day? The Instagram stories you watch while eating dinner alone? The dating app matches you’ve been texting for three weeks without meeting? They’re not helping you feel less lonely. They might actually be making it worse. ...